I haven't "blogged" in a while. I've had a lot on my mind lately so I figured I would sit and write about it. There are so many things in this life I don't understand, that I look at and say "Is this really my life?," "Am I dreaming?," "Will you pinch me?"...
For example:
-I have an almost 18 month old little girl who is so full of life, so smart, so angelic, so perfect...most days I look at her and can't believe she's really mine. Can't believe that I'm a mother to such a wonderful little creation.
-I'm 30. Enough said there.
-I have a husband who can absolutely drive me up the wall picking his fingernails, falling asleep on the couch *almost* every night, watching movies blaring on volume 50, he's messy, unorganized, the complete opposite of me, but somehow my perfect match.
-We own 2 businesses...which means we are both self-employed, which means we pay a bootie load of taxes, banks don't like us, we never have a day off, but also means neither one of us have a boss, and we couldn't see it any other way.
-I have a dog that has probably costs me more money than I will ever add up on paper because I think I would fall over at the amount I have spent on her countless health problems and now 2 stomach surgeries, the first to remove razor blades and the second to remove 2 pacifiers from her intestines.
-I have 2 brothers that have shown their true colors over the past year and all I can say is that I definitely have the best brothers a girl could ask for. They have always had my back and always will.
-I have a Grandmother in her 80's that comes to my house almost every day to keep Hali. She is the rock of our family and someone I admire and can only hope to be like one day when I grow up.
-I have a Father who walked into my life at my age 10 and has never left my side and I know he never will.
-I have a Mother who I looked at this morning standing in her kitchen, so sick she could hardly stand up straight, not a hair on her head, no makeup, wearing a t-shirt & sweatpants, body filled with cancer, but a heart full of complete joy & hope. And not to mention the most beautiful person I have ever seen in my life.
As you can see, some of these things are true miracles, some tragedies, some I don't want to think about longer than a millisecond because I'm afraid of what the future holds, and some I can't wait for life to pass by so I can experience the future. I try to remind myself constantly that some things, ok most things, aren't made for me to understand, are out of my control, are all in God's hands. If you know me even a little bit, I'm very much a Type A personality...even been referred to as AA or AAA, ha! I want things done in a timely manner, a.k.a. immediately; I want to know about problems immediately; and I want solutions just as fast. I don't like surprises, actually I despise them. I want to know that I will have enough money in my bank account to pay all of my bills, buy groceries, maybe go on a shopping spree for Hali & I a *few* times a month. But, none of these things are guaranteed to me, nothing promised. Tomorrow isn't promised, much less the next minute we are sitting here on this earth. All of the things we have to do, all of the rushing around and errands to run, it can all stop in an instant. Life is so precious. Don't try to figure it out for yourself. Lean on the Lord and he will guide you through life, holding your hand, holding you up, when you don't think you can stand on your own 2 feet another second alone.
